November 19, 2009-Thursday

I left the house at 3 pm. Was a nice ride up to Rome. Left there at 5 pm and had to drive home in the dark but I made it.
The doctor talked to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wasn't interested in having any Radiation or Chemo. He really tried to explain that I should have it. He's afraid it will grow. The cancer cells have already invaded the walls and he wants to get it out as soon as possible. The tumor is so low in my rectum and it is almost 3 cm, which he calls Stage Three and says it's very, very curable at this stage. He wants me to at least talk to a Radioligist and an Oncologist. I told him to give me a month to think this over. He says he will do the surgery even if I don't want the Chemo and Radiation but wishes I'd have those to be sure it will shrink and that he will get it all.
He explained that he will do the operation endoscopically through my lower stomach and that he won't be cutting through the rectum. He will remove all the bad section and bring down a section from the upper area and reconnect with a stapling procedure. He won't know if I will need a temporary bag until he gets in there. I wouldn't mind a bag for a while if I did have the surgery. I think it might be better to eat with one of those. Otherwise it's a liquid diet for the six weeks it will take to heal. I would have to stay in the hospital in Oneida for a week because of the pain etc.
If I do choose to have the radiation and chemo before surgery then I'd have to make a daily trip to Utica to Faxton Hospital for five weeks straight. I'd only have weekends off. God! That would be dreadful to have to drive through the whole winter up there every single day. I would be getting the Radiation and Chemo at the same time. I'll be burning from the radiation and puking and shitting from the chemo. Damn!! I don't know if I can handle that.
He says that if I don't do anything and let it go, it will be the most painful thing I've ever experienced because it goes all through the pelvic region and there's no pain killer that can work with that. So this is something I have to take into consideration. Deal with the pain of radiation for five weeks or suffer in the end terribly.
He explained why they do the radiation before surgery. He said that radiation damage is permanent and if you have it before then he can take every damaged part out during surgery and he doesn't give radiation after surgery. Just Chemo but some women have refused it after surgery and he says that is up to me. He did explain that Chemo goes out of the body eventually and that is why people recover from it. But radiation cannot be reversed for the people that have it after surgery. The way he explains it all, the radiation is much worse than Chemo. But they do pinpoint it these days so it is only hitting the tumor but might still get some good cells around it and they will be taken out as well during surgery.
My rectum will have to get retrained and it will take a few months but I'd be able to go to the bathroom normally after a while.
So. It looks like I will be going through pain, sickness and being uncomfortable for another year if I decide to do all this. I'm just wondering if it is worth it.
Cripes. I might have a heart attack. That would take care of everything all at once wouldn't it..LOL
There is no easy way out. So now I will sit and think about this for a while. It's a very difficult decision to make. God give me strength, is all I can say.
If I had just gone and had that Colonoscopy three years ago it would have still been a Polyp and would have been removed, according to Dr. Delpino. So go get those Colonoscopies everyone.

I missed seeing any of my foxes this evening. I thought I heard gunshots way off in a distance after 11 pm last night. Deer hunting season starts this weekend. Poor deer.